Getting Hitched

We're getting hitched! On January 31, Trey asked me to be his wife and I said yes! 

We've been together for over 3 years and it's been an amazing journey. I know the road ahead of us is going to be just as amazing -- and more!!!! We've learned so much about ourselves and have taught each other so many important lessons. Just by being with Trey, I am a better version of myself. 

Now, not every day has been peachy! Just like any relationship, whether it's a friend, family member, co-worker... There are ups and downs. That's what makes the relationship stronger! You just have to fight fair and always say I love you. And mean it! 

We are getting married on the day after Christmas this year! December 26, 2009!!! If you know us at all, you know we are huge Christmas celebrators! It's our favorite time of year, so it's perfect! 

We'll say our "I do's" at 1:30 pm at St. Aloysius. It was so very important for us to get married at St. Aloysius. It's the church where Trey grew up, I became Catholic, we'll raise our family... 

As far as planning is concerned... We've got the date, church, Priest (Father Greg Daigle), I have my dress on order, the bridesmaid's dresses picked out and my GROOM! We are trying to hammer out the location for the reception now. Fingers crossed we get the Addis Community Center! 

The ceremony will be beautiful. Full of God, family, friends and love. Then we'll head to the reception for the PARTY!!!!! If I were a guest at our wedding reception, I wouldn't even wear my dress shoes inside. I'd be prepared to dance my tail off and have a good time! 

We've got an amazing year ahead!!! 

Retired

I am retired and loving it! My days are spent doing some studying, watching daytime TV and just hanging out. 

The downfall is, lack of funds, lack of health insurance (working on that) and sometimes boredom. I never thought I would say that. But if I had unlimited funds, I would be shopping, lunching with friends and seeing movies. 

I've spent the last few weeks resting. My body really must've been tired. Honestly, I nap every day. It's usually around 10 AM. And I end up sleeping for about 3 hours. I don't normally admit this to people, but whatever.  If someone calls during my nap, I let voicemail catch it. When I call them back, I usually say I turned my ringer off while studying. 

I haven't been painting OR blogging much here lately. So, I decided to do both tonight. My painting looks like crap. I hope I can find my groove again. I will probably stay up until 3 AM trying to paint something worth hanging on a wall. I am not too concerned with my late night session - I can sleep late tomorrow without worrying about a boss getting upset with me! As long as I am awake in time to get dressed for my BIG Sex and The City night, I'm in the clear!!!

My reformer came in on Tuesday. I am so excited about my new toy! It's beautiful! And all of my clients are really anxious to get on for a ride. If you would like to try it out, let me know! :) 

Sad news - Trey lost his uncle last week. It was such a great loss. He was a very charismatic man. He had a heart of gold and a smile that is not easily forgotten. Please pray for the Eyre/McPherson family. And especially for his wife, daughters, Mommachita, Chi Chi and Trey. It's been a really rough week and he will be forever missed. 

FREE AT LAST!

I have quit my desk job! If you would have told me on Monday morning that I would no longer be working for the man by Thursday, I would've laughed at you! But, it's true. I am unemployed! Well, I am unemployed by someone other than myself. I do own my own business. :) 

I was planning on leaving IEM sometime in July to pursue my dream as a full time Pilates Instructor and full time student at LSU. But, the schedule kind of changed. Certain events led me to walk away sooner. I walked away yesterday. 

I decided that I would no longer be disrespected and treated badly. So, I packed up my office and drove away into freedom. Once I got home, I crashed. I was so mentally exhausted. I slept for about 3 hours, until my hunger woke me up. I realized that I was so stressed, I hadn't eaten in 2 days. So, I packed a bag, drove to McDonald's - ordered a large fry and devoured it on the way to Trey's house. 

He's been so supportive through this whole ordeal. What an amazing man I have! He cooked me dinner, rubbed my back and listened to all of the nonsense that happened to me in the last 24 hours. 

I slept in today - until about 9:30 - which was a HUGE treat for me. I came home and planned on cleaning my NEW condo across the parking lot. Instead, I opted for a nap. I woke up and then cleaned for about 2 hours, got dressed and went to teach Pilates. No stress, no headache, no blackberry! FREEDOM! 

I am so excited about my new life. I can't wait to start Pilates FULL TIME! Life is good! It's REAL good! 

Precious Life

My grandparents aren't doing very well. Not doing well at all. At 85 years old, they've both lived such full lives. They experienced so much. They've lived through the great depression, World War II, they heard Joe DiMaggio play for the Yankees on the radio, maybe they saw Casablanca on the "big screen." They witnessed Civil Rights and Elvis. They also sent a child, their first born, to the Vietnam War. He would never come back the same. They raised 4 children, 2 girls and 2 boys, during the sexual revolution and free love era - and still managed to come out with smart, morally sound children. They experienced what it feels like to have 5 grandchildren and 8 great grandchildren. They worked hard every day and never complained they were too tired to go to work that day. Or too tired to work in the yard or out in the field. 

Now they are confined to their home. The same home they raised their children in.  The same home they helped raise their grandchildren in. They can't work. They can hardly fix dinner and getting dressed for the day is a task that may take hours. 

They sit in their chairs and watch reruns of Bonanza or Gunsmoke. Shows they watched the first time around. They look forward to the short visits they may get from family, old friends or just anyone popping in to say hello. 

They live daily life in pain. Pain from old age, back pain, hip pain, leg pain. The physical pain can always be dealt with after popping one of the many pills in the medicine cabinet. But the mental pain has to be the worse. 

Could you imagine what it must feel like to live an active life - full of music, dancing (my grandfather loves playing music and dancing), travel, cooking for everyone that walks through your front door, taking care of others and running the roads - and then be confined to a chair... To struggle just to stand up. To have to rely on a walker or a motorized chair. The person you once were seems like a distant memory. When you look in the mirror, you don't recognize the person looking back at you. It's not the young, vivacious person you were years ago. The person looking back at you feels helpless and scared. Scared that you could end up on the floor later that day because your legs just gave out, or that you could end up in a nursing home because you just don't want to be a burden to your family anymore. 

This is what my grandparents are going through right now. They both have a hard time letting other's take care of them. Which results in them lying to us and either taking too much pain medicine because they honestly can't remember the last time they took it or not telling us they fell at 3:00 am trying to get out of bed to go to the restroom - laying on the floor for 3 hours until someone would finally walk in and find her...

It's hard to see your grandparents this way. They are the ones that always took care of us. They picked us up from school when we were sick and needed to come home. My grandmother was the one that came to my elementary school every single day when I was in 1st grade to feed me McDonald's french fries through the fence at recess because she was scared her baby wasn't eating enough at lunchtime. 

I wish there was an easy way to cope with this. But there isn't. All I can do is show up at their house a few times a week and offer a smile - just a little ray of sunshine - and hope that they are happy for a little while. 

Holy Thursday

It's Holy Thursday and I just got back from Mass. What an amazing service! I feel so humbled and blessed to be joining the Catholic Church this weekend. The service was so moving - I feel so touched by the hand of the Lord. 

Through my journey into this faith, I've learned so much. I am nothing without Jesus. I just wonder how people that don't believe get through life without Him. How do they go a single day without Him? It must be such an empty, lonely feeling. I can't even wrap my head around it. 

I am approaching a life changing weekend and I pray that yours is as special as mine. I am keeping all of my family and friends in my prayers this weekend as we celebrate Jesus Christ and what He has done for us. 

Happy Easter!

Pure Happiness

Being happy in life is something we all strive for. For some, its easier to find happiness or to at least wear the happy face... even if it's just a mask. I have trouble wearing that mask, so most of the people around me know when something isn't quite right. 

You can tell when a person is truly happy. Joy just leaps out of their eyes and there is a glow that shines on their faces. For the last few months, that joy and glow hasn't really surrounded me for some reason. Maybe it was the cold weather or maybe it was just the internal struggles that we all sometimes have to face. Some of us really have to sit down and have a good old fashioned face-to-face chat with ourselves. Those conversations aren't always the easiest to have. But sometimes, you gotta do it! 

Life is a funny thing. You can have all the plans and wishes that you could ever imagine -- and in the blink of an eye, everything you planned for just changes. Everything you wished for, turns into other wishes. The goals and hopes that you thought were the be all, end all of your existence, just becomes something of the past. Life is a journey in which we really have no control over. Sure, we make our own choices. And sure, we may think that we are the ones that ultimately control our fate... But really, we don't. 

In life we have so many external issues to deal with. Every action we take has some sort of repercussion. Our behaviors directly affect others. And other's behaviors affect us. Learning to block out the external is something that I am striving for. It's been a lesson that I've needed to learn for a long time. I let the opinions of other's get to me. I let what people say, even in passing, affect how I act or react. I'm learning to block out the external and focus on the internal. What makes me happy. What makes me tick. What is going to make me a BETTER me. 

Going through the hard times in life and coming out on the other side is what life is all about. It really does make you stronger. It does make you value the people that came through to the other side with you that much more important. And it really makes you value and love them more than you did in the first place. 

I can honestly say, that I am happier now than I have been in a long time. Was it just my soul searching and really trying to fix the flaws that I had to face in myself? Is it my growing relationship with God? Could it be the willingness to fight for myself and to fight for what I think is best for me? I think it's a combination of all of those things.  I am happy to say that I pressed my "reset button" and that I am better for it. 

I feel in my heart, with all of my heart, that everything is going to be OK. Everything is OK. And I haven't felt like this in a while. It's great to feel like I am back -- I must've been on a hiatus or on strike like the writers guild...

I am so thankful for my loving, caring, kind, supportive, understanding boyfriend. I am so thankful for all of my wonderful, beautiful girlfriends that love me no matter what. I am so thankful for my amazing family. I am so thankful for my church and for my loving and forgiving Lord. I am so thankful for my life. I am so thankful for happiness. Because without all of these things, what would life really be about?

Outlets

If you start one creative outlet and then a month later, start another, are you cheating?

I started blogging again last month, but started painting this month. I kept thinking about painting and how much fun it would be to see if I could actually paint anything worth a darn. It's been fun and I'm learning, but I'm not sure if it's any good. 

The same could be said for my writing/blogging. I feel like I have so much to say, but is it worth anything? Are my blogs interesting? And do I REALLY have anything to say at all? And why can't I blog and paint at the same time? Not literally at the same time...it would be tough to type with a paint brush in your hand...

I feel as if I do have things to say, but so many times I've sat down to blog - I feel like I need to censor myself. Not say too much about personal issues, because they are well... personal. I am putting my life and my feelings on the internet when I write. But when I paint, I am putting my life and feelings on canvas. That canvas may actually be put on a wall - either in my home, my office or someone else's home or office. Is there a difference?

When a person reads a book, an email, a poem... the reader ultimately makes the decision of what the tone is, what the writers feelings are, how the piece is perceived. The same goes for art. We all interpret things differently. 

I am choosing two outlets. But is that cheating? Am I cheating you? None of you have really seen my "art." Unless you count my first painting that I've posted along with this entry (above). I can try to control what my paint brush says. I can edit my words. I can try to hide my feelings in print. But can I hide them on canvas? The colors and the strokes tell the story. Even if it's just something abstract, my feelings were actually laid out on canvas. 

And how do you know if you are ever good enough? When I read a past blog, I am critical. I judge myself and think that I could've done better. I think, "who would really want to read this?" The same goes for my art. I wonder "why would anyone think this looks good? It looks like a child painted this during art class." 

Even if someone we love and trust says that either of the two are great, when do we believe them? How do you know if you are getting your point across AND making it beautiful at the same time? 

When do you finally gain creative self confidence?